Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
only if we run a train.
done.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I will be naked everywhere
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
