There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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