You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
