I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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