Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
