You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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