And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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