How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
