he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
