so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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