Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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