Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
