I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
