the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
