Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
His nipple licking is glorious
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