Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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