just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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