i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
