I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
