took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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