you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
