C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
