I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
