i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
