I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize