watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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