I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
