Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
