all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
