wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
