i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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