Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
