im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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