who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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