I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
