Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize