if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
