well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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