Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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