He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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