hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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