non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
