In the future we'll all be gay
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
