she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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