fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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