The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
