Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dear god my vagina.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
