i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
