I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
