Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
