I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
