can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
