Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
