I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
