He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
