he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
