Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize