In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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