Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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