How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize