Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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