1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
be right there i have to get my cape
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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