wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
