I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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