i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
