I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
