Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
