and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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