hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize