i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
