Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
