i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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