I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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