Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
