I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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