I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
