Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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