I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
